


Please Leave a Message

by red_carnations



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Late at Night, Love Confessions, Other, Phone Calls & Telephones, and doesn't like it, basically the sleep-deprived ramblings of someone who is Figuring Things Out, could be human au could be canon, setting is ambiguous, whatever you want - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 00:36:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21365266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_carnations/pseuds/red_carnations
Summary: "No one is available to take your call.  Please leave a message after the tone.""Fuck."
Relationships: Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 54





	Please Leave a Message

**Author's Note:**

> Gabriel gets to talk about himself nonstop for several minutes, which in any other situation would be a dream come true for him.

"Come on, come on, come on . . ."

"No one is available to take your call. Please leave a message after the tone."

"_Fuck_."

"Um, so. Hi. Uh, I guess you're not going to answer. Which is fine because it's, uh - what time is it? Three in the morning? - it's three in the morning! How about that. So I guess you're not awake. And, um, I didn't expect you to be, because contrary to what you might think, I _don't _think the universe revolves around me. Surprised? Well, you shouldn't be. Shut up."

"But, um, I'm getting off topic. Where was I?"

"Well, anyway. You're probably wondering why I called you at _three in the morning_, and . . . um." 

"There's not really a good way to say this."

"But, uh, here goes. I'm kind of in love with you."

"Yeah."

"Now, I know this sounds horribly ironic and slightly hypocritical, because, uh - well, because it kind of is. But . . . it happened. I have somehow fallen for you."

". . . That probably wasn't the best choice of words. Sorry, metaphorical language isn't really one of my areas of expertise."

"But all that aside, I thought it was only fair to inform you so we can take whatever steps are . . . necessary, in this . . . situation."

"I'm not sure exactly how long this has been a thing for, for me? Uh, definitely since last week, when you said you liked my new suit - thank you for saying that, by the way - although now that I'm thinking about it, it's probably been happening a lot longer than that? I don't know. I don't really know if you wanted specifics on that, either, I just figured . . ."

"It's weird, right? This whole thing is really fucking weird? First I find out that aside from being generally terrifying and good at your job, you're also refreshingly blunt and fun to be around - not fun like _having fun_, I know you don't like fun, I meant fun like, you know, it's nice - and then somehow all these extraneous feelings got involved? Still not sure how that happened; I've got people looking into it."

"That was a joke. If you couldn't tell."

"So, well . . . I mean, I have shared my feelings, but I'm not entirely clear on yours. I know that you tolerate and maybe even like me a little - and don't worry, I haven't told anyone about that. Your reputation's still intact. But, uh, some clarification on that point would be useful to me. So . . ."

"Alright, it's still three in the morning, and this message is running kind of long, so I'm going to hang up now. Uh . . . call me back. Please?"

**Author's Note:**

> I know the formatting is a little weird, but I wasn't sure how else to do it. Sorry if you're not a fan of my liberal use of quotation marks; feel free to tell me about it in the comments.


End file.
